Moses, Aaron, Abraham, they're all a waste of time. It's your ass that's on the line.

People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.

Children are naive-they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're asking for trouble.

Michael is Janet and Janet is Michael.

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

Did you ever consider that LSD was really one of the most dangerous drugs ever manufactured because the people who took it turned into yuppies?