How can I lose? I've already offended everybody!

Maybe you should stay with your mama, you're kind of stupid and ugly, too.

The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. You eat this apple, you're going to be as smart as God. We can't have that.

With a tongue like a cow, she could make you go wow.

Rock music was never written for or performed for conservative tastes.

Modern music is people who can't think signing artists who can't write songs to make records for people who can't hear.

I don't expect that Albert Gore is going to become president, and I certainly hope we never see Tipper Gore in the White House. Can you imagine Tipper saying, "Just say no"?