Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not he really is ''bad.

One size does not fit all.

We could improve worldwide mental health if we acknowledged that parents can make you crazy.

Donnie and Marie can both take a bite.

We pretend to be a free society, and we pretend to be an adult society, but if you look at the facts, our news is just as contrived, and controlled as Pravda!

Drugs will turn you into your parents.

Our big prize tonight is fifty American dollars to the girl with the most exciting mammalian protuberances.