The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine.
Frankie BoyleI live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
Frankie BoyleAs the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.
Frankie BoyleTwo negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.
Frankie BoyleThe average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.
Frankie Boyle