It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

I want to trace my father, could you suggest a good marker pen?

If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.