It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.