Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?