Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.

I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.

For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.