I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.