I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.

When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.