The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.

For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

I would have loved to have had a gay dad. At school, there were always kids saying 'my dad is bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!' So what? My dad will shag your dad..and your dad will enjoy it.

It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?