Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

I want to trace my father, could you suggest a good marker pen?