I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.

I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.