Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!