The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.