People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.