RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.

A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.