Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.

As we see censorship it is a stupid giant traffic policeman answering "Yes" to "Am I my brother's copper?" He guards a one-way street and his semaphore has four signs, all marked "stop.

Our notion of an optimist is a man who knowing that each year was worse than the preceding, thinks next year will be better. And a pessimist is a man who knows the next year can't be worse than the last one.

Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.