Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.