California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.