Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.