Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.