Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.