After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.