Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.