Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.