The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.