He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.