My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.