He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.