He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.