All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.