All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose