All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.