Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.