Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.