Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.