Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.