During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.