I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.