A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.