A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.