The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.