Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.