Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.