My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.