A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.