A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.