I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.