If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.

My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.