I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.