Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.