English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.