During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.