The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.