If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits.

The only way I will do a sitcom is if it's hurled at me, and I don't have to work for it.

I go on the road all the time, but I'm only performing for two hours a night, and then I'll do a meet-and-greet, and then I'll get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then I'm in the next city.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.