You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage.

People see a big dude and they hear that high pitched voice or "Eglasias with an 'I'" and love it because they can relate and go "I know that person!".

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.

When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.

I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops.