This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.

To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

Don't tear up the page and start over again when you write a bad line-try to write your way out of it. Make mistakes and plunge on. Writing is a means of discovery, always.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

Not everyone has a Life's Work. Some people simply have a Life.

I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.