This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered? I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.

I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.