All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?

Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.

Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.

Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it.

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.