All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be good to your friends, which you may not have been back when you were clever.

Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.