A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'.
Garrison KeillorThe father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.
Garrison KeillorGod writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Garrison KeillorI have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
Garrison KeillorHa! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.
Garrison KeillorGrowing up in a place that has winter, you learn to avoid self-pity. Winter is not a personal experience, everybody else is just as cold as you, so you shouldn't complain about it too much. You learn this as a kid, coming home crying from the cold, and Mother looks down and says, 'It's only a little frostbite. You're okay.' And thus you learn to be okay. What's done is done. Get over it. Drink your coffee. It's not the best you'll ever get but it's good enough.
Garrison Keillor